dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
