She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
