the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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