I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
