No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
