Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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