Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
