SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
