I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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