im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
