How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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