honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Randomize
