why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
