you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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