This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
