could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
