her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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