my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
