Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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