I wanna passion pit in your ass
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
