i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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