yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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