You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize