Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
being pregnant is like rehab
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
