There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize