we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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