I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
