Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize