the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
