remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
