How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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