She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
