i think i recognize dicks better than faces
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
