I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
