I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he thought i was a dude.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
