Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
