Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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