I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
