And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
