i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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