My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
