ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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