He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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