Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize