she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you never un-have a 4some
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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