I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
