All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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