So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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