Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
