if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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