Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I love you.
Bad choice
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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