I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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