I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
