Porn is love you can see.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
