He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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