i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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