do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
