I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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