i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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