Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
