I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
