I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
