I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
