I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This is not my ceiling
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
