The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
